Deviance online dating
I’m sure that with an ounce of patience, this expertly crafted profile will recruit me a sensational person with the foolhardiness to take on a feminist praying mantis with a loud laugh.
In place, I uploaded demure photographs taken of me on tame-hair days, reading novels and baking biscuits. In its place, an outline of graceful hobbies and interests fit for a Disney princess prom queen: playing the flute, drinking cranberry sodas(? I wondered whether I’d gone a little far – surely my new profile was too repulsively Victorian to pass for a real life 21st century woman?
What modern man would ever want to match with someone quite so bland and eager to marry after the first date? Inundated with matches and ‘super likes’, I felt as though I was crowdsurfing on a population of m’lady Tinder boys clamouring for a woman more dull than themselves.
Each message telling me I had ‘beautifully sad eyes’ or that I was ‘one in a million’ was flanked by opening gambits about my cooking.
Topless men quoted at me, and a guy from Roehampton whose bio read ‘Thug Life’ requested I bring my flute to the first date.
It’s not necessarily her right-swipe and bednotch tallies that I envy – impressive though I’m sure they are.